Cultural role model or a father figure to the fatherless?

A few days ago I ran into a single mother I hadn't seen or spoken to in a long, long time.  During our discussion, I asked how her young son, whom I had a sports coaching relationship with in the past, was doing.  She mentioned he just had a chance to connect with his father (absent from son's life) and it was a huge disappointment.  The father at the end of the process made this comment to his son, "I wish your mother would find a good man to date or marry so that you will have a strong role model."  I know that this comment can be construed as a man humbly admitting his faults, not in this case.  This was honestly not the case here, it was more of an attack on the mother who has raised their son alone all of his young life.  Is this father absolutely refusing to look in the mirror?

To address this question I want to present you and excerpt from my book (written in bold below) which drives this blogspot.

“In 2008, 75 percent of White, non-Hispanic, 64 percent

of Hispanic, and 35 percent of Black children lived

with two married parents.”

(www.childstats.gov)



The Childstats.gov statistics listed above amaze me on all fronts about all the races but none more than the African-American homes of which are 65 to 70 percent single-parent. Of that alarming number, 96 percent of those homes are fatherless. Firstborn son, do you understand what a position of godly privilege you have to correct this situation? Do you understand how powerful you are in your ability to directly address this crisis in our community? Your acceptance of the role and godly endowment bestowed upon you puts you in the position to speak into the lives of those that surround you and are counting on you. This godly endowment also means that you have your house in order and have risen to the level of a man above reproach. Your selfless and sacrificial role renders you readily available to intercede prayerfully for those seeking your advice. The hardships sons of the African-American community have endured over centuries puts them in some of the greatest positions to handle great obstacles and rise to the occasion as heroes. However, because we lack the understanding and knowledge of Isaiah 55:8-11, the miraculous way in which God prepares us that sometimes seems greatly illogical from the human perspective, we more frequently assume the roles of victims. Oh, how we’ve bought the lie at such an incredibly high cost!

Here is my challenge and my call to reason to you on this topic: You and I will quickly attest to the fact that an incredibly high percentage of the world’s dominant performers and achievers in high pressure and stressful situations come from some of the lowest slums, ghettos, and misfortune our world has to offer. Without statistical research, I will go out on the limb to say 90 percent of categories I am referring to in making my point come from this segment. At one time they were at or below the poverty line. I am speaking of professional athletes, those in basketball, football (NFL or Soccer take your pick), baseball, hockey, and so forth. I am also speaking of the military, the marines, special forces, navy seals, and so forth, just to name a few. These are people that come from or are cut from the same cloth, that of poverty, as you were perhaps. And we quickly offer them world class influential status. Sadly sometimes it is simply out of material success rather than credible virtuous substance. Nevertheless, how rapidly they rise to “hero” status. But I have to admit, they do not accomplish the feat with such grace without incredible resilience achieved by the hand that life dealt them in the slums and ghettos of our world. Why then do you feel that same resilience will not work in your favor; you who don’t have the same material wealth?

God's wisdom challenges human logic.

In the included video, we take a few minutes to discuss the definition of the term "role model" relative to today's culture.  I pray you can find a tip or two within...



What it means to be Courageous!

This is an interview that I was blessed to be invited to.  I spoke with Rich Hallstrom and Mike Stacy of Motivation With a Purpose radio (http://www.motivationwithapurpose.com/ or http://www.corsicafoundation.org/) on 1150AM KKNW in Seattle, Washington about what it should mean to be courageous in America.  This is a tremendous discussion that I pray you will gather a lot of direction from for your life, and those of your dependents.  What we spoke of also centered around topics I have written about in my book The Firstborn Son: a Curse, a Gift, or a Calling.  You can certainly get more information at my website http://www.thefirstbornson.com/, as well as more information about my book at http://www.thefirstbornson.net/. 

http://www.motivationwithapurpose.com/2011/11/what-it-means-to-be-courageous/

What does "legacy" mean in and for your home (family)?

I had the opportunity to spend some time with radio host Doug Bursch of "Live from Seattle" on KGNW 820AM.  We talked about how the concept of the "firstborn son" impacts, and is incredibly far reaching within multi-generational family legacy.  Our culture has damagingly neglected this concepts which now impacts our homes to the tone of societal statistics such as teenage pregnancies, drug abuse, incarcerations, child abuse, domestic abuse, divorce, and more.  I know you will find a lot of substance in this interview.  You may fast forward to the second hour or about the 55th minute if you do not desire to listen to the initial segments but simply my segment.  The podcast you seek is November 3rd, 2011 and there is a rebroadcast on November 22nd, 2011.

http://www.kgnw.com/podcasts/podcasting_localhost.aspx?localhost=59

Special Fathers Day blog: acrostic on the word “FATHER”

In honor of fathers day the world over for those cultures who so acknowledge, I have decided to blog on the topic today.  As a father as well, I will like to put the challenge to us all in the context of raising awareness about our responsibilities.  I do wish you draw a truth or two, if not all, to add to your arsenal.

F -        First and foremost, I think it is incredible that the first mention of the word father in the Bible comes on the subject of marriage, “leave and cleave” (Gen 2:24).  But I don’t think anyone has a problem with that since a man does not become a father (biologically) without a helper, preferably a wife.  Here is an excerpt on the marriage relationship from my book The Firstborn Son: a Curse, a Gift, or a Calling…

So at year six of our relationship and her observation that I wasn‘t seeking to cleave to her, she became emotionally disconnected from me and subsequently thought it was time to find a new life. When a woman emotionally disconnects from her husband, only God can reestablish that connection. Not many men allow themselves to achieve true emotional and soulful connections with their wives. We frequently sabotage our attempts at achieving success without even noticing or knowing it. Many of us have bought the lies of the culture, Hollywood, and the media that misrepresents what our marital commitments should be.

A -       Attributes of God amazingly bear the fathering nature of God in the inherent components (Omniscient, Holy, Wisdom, Truthful, etc.)  CH Spurgeon on the attributes of God has a great summary http://www.preceptaustin.org/attributes_of_god.htm. These are definitely attributes we should incorporate in the execution of our fatherly duties.  The creation by God of man in His likeness is directly identified with Adam’s son being born in his image and likeness in Genesis 5:1-3.  How powerful is it that the fathering nature of God transcends the moment of His creation to earthly fathers, you and me.

T -        The truthfulness of a father is evident in his legacy through multiple generations as King Solomon states in his prayer.  1 King 3:6 states… Then Solomon said, “You have shown great lovingkindness to Your servant David my father, according as he walked before You in truth and righteousness and uprightness of heart toward You; and You have reserved for him this great lovingkindness, that You have given him a son to sit on his throne, as it is this day.  The ultimate Father (God) seeks children of truth (John 4:23).  As such, father in truth.

H -       Humor is just as important to our fatherly love as is our desire to provide, protect, discipline, etc.  Fathers, lovingly step into the lighter side of life without hesitation.  Here’s some father humor for you…

Wisdom of a little princess

One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, "Daddy, you're the boss, aren't you?" Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. The little girl continued "That's because Mummy put you in charge, right?"

E -       Encouragement of the right kind is extremely critical to our existence and success in this era during which we parent.  Be extremely careful of your circle of influence, and subsequently who is encouraging you about what.  However, you can’t do it on your own, you need connection.  Here is another excerpt from my book…

Men is this not incredible how spot on this Scripture is in attestation to the lives society applauds us for living. We pursue our careers, toys, hobbies, wealth, relationships, and even our trophy wives in all design to provide self-satisfaction and proof of ―lovers of themselves.‖ We are being encouraged and enticed to love ourselves by intoxicating commercials, billboards, Internet, movies, magazines, music, bad theology and doctrine (form of godliness but denying its power), the lure of prosperity and so on.

In case you misunderstood, the above depiction of manhood is unhealthy.

R -       God’s specific results we pursue as fathers on this earth are ultimately what matters most.  If we do not know what the results we seek are, how can we succeed at or accomplish our calling as fathers in the image of God.  Here is my opinion and what I subscribe to personally.  We bear the likeness of our heavenly father in order to replicate His attributes upon those He has placed in our care (wives and/or children, and more).  But make no mistake, just as Christ was about His father’s business (legacy), so are we.  It is all about purposeful living. We are commissioned to prepare our dependents, especially our children, to propagate a Godly family legacy for generations until He comes.  J Quit looking for the easy answer.

The Firstborn Son, "men at the city gates"!

Do you remember the old African proverb, "It takes a village to raise a child"?  Even in my parents' era of raising children as recent as the 1960s to 1980s, there was good trust in the motives of their neighbors' value systems and intentions.  How is that working for you today?  Think about it further.  Are parents even comfortable uttering the old African proverb?  We are generally the same people and have chosen the same neighborhoods to raise our kids with similar value systems or else we would be living worlds apart, right?  I am afraid not.

Firstborn son and gentleman in general, our society and culture is content with us being passive in responding to our responsibilities. It plays right into the hands of the culture and worldly, as opposed to godly, desires if we are reactive rather than proactive. God has put you in this blessed role, firstborn son, to rise to the occasion and do something great. He has designed you to overachieve on the responsibility He has given you. Take the challenge and go on the offensive rather than defensive response when it comes to saving or redeeming our family, home, culture, and society.  We are ―the men at the city gate.  We ward off and defend against anything that threatens and seeks to destroy our society. The men at the city gate signify stability for our communities and society. The men at the city gate observe and know everyone that belongs within and those that don‘t. The men at the city gate are prepared to confront those elements that threaten to destroy us and do not belong within our walls. Because the men at the city gate rise to the occasion righteously, our society finds godly peace and rest (1 Timothy 2:1-4).

Here is a link to an article that raises awareness of a need to protect our daughters, sisters, wives, and mothers.  How will you respond? http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/43081000/ns/today-today_health/

Essence and roles, a costly misunderstanding

On my flight back from Philadelphia on last Friday night, I met a truly wonderful and interesting person.  JT (for privacy sake) is an employee of The World Bank, and currently engaged in a project in West Africa.  She is of European decent but currently lives in the USA.  She was on her way to visit her parents which I pray went very well.

We had a lot of time to talk on a flight over 5 hours long.  We spoke on topics such African post war “Truth & Reconciliation Councils”, “Catholicism and Christianity”, marriage, and much more. One of those intriguing “much mores” was the apparent rise in rape cases in post war conflicts (Africa, Europe, World War II, etc.) of the world that her organization has noticed.  She mentioned that the pursuit of men to reclaim paternal “dominance” in these societies frequently leads to confusion, and subsequently a treacherous cycle of rape by these men.  I have a feeling she is right because such is a similar problem in my country Liberia.

However the search for male dominance in these societies at all cost is incredibly sad.  Is this a similar search you have noticed with males in your circle although it may not translate as treacherously as it does (rampant rape) in other parts of the continent and world?

―You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus

(Gal. 3:26-28)

Sadly, there is a costly misunderstanding of the need to dominate by men the world over, and a counter misunderstanding by women in forceful and unnecessary search for equality with men.  The verse above is explicit for what is in essence equality for all under God.  However, we (male and/or female) each have significant and complimentary roles to play for the incredible balance and health of society.  Men seeking dominance need not go the route of aggression.  Rather, the execution of our protective and sacrificial (die to self) role as men in the proper understanding of essence and roles within the family or society should instead lead to amazing and productive relationships between the sexes.  Do you understand and practice essence and roles in your home?

Here are some post-war situations I speak of to bring you some awareness:

http://actionaidusa.org/news/related/womens_rights/liberia_rape_gender_violence_the_norm/

http://www.un.org/preventgenocide/rwanda/backgrounder.shtml

What or who is a firstborn son?

I have to start this blog in this fashion; in the form of an introspective question.  Incase you were wondering, here are some synonyms for introspective; deeply thoughtful, meditative, and/or reflective.  In order words before reading this blog further (untainted by my information), please first pause for at least a minute or two and think about my question below.  I heard a great speaker yesterday talk on “Get Real” (honesty), so let’s get real.  Writing down your answer to compare after reading may not be a bad idea.

Here’s the question, “When I say the phrase firstborn son, what comes to mind for you?

Okay, did this definition of a firstborn son ever occur to you?  Or to put it another way, do you see your firstborn son, or your brother, father, uncle (relatives), or friend who bears this title as one who fits this description.

A firstborn son is a legacy bearer, a protector, one who passionately embraces responsibility for others, one who endures hardship with resilience and integrity, and finally he pursues godly wisdom with vigor.

Being a legacy bearer is all about the firstborn son realizing that, regardless of siblings, the primary responsibility for the family legacy (traditions, values, etc) impacting and traversing to the next generation and more is his.  Yes other siblings have a part to play in that, but the firstborn son must be distinctly raised as the primary conduit.  The trickle-down effect on to younger siblings is usually sure to follow in most cases since they (younger siblings) mimic the elder.  Even if the firstborn son is the youngest child of the family, the paternal name and the values of the family are best carried forward by him since older sisters are most likely to get married and take on the names and values of their husbands.

ü      I have carried on the name and traditions of a Bambolo proudly.  My parents told me frequently that it was/is my responsibility to carry forward the Bambolo name, and frequently reminded me that my siblings are observing.  “Your younger brothers, and probably sisters (older) will do what they see you do.” they said.  Do you know who a (insert your last name here) is?  At ages 2 and 6 my children are already beginning to hear “You are a Bambolo, so this is who we are and how we behave…”.

A protector is a person who defends someone or something.  The firstborn son is prepared to defend the ideals, traditions, and most importantly individuals in his charge with his life where necessary.  The firstborn son is the “man at the city gate” who sees and knows quite well who comes and goes.  As a result he wards of those elements (people, habits, concepts, etc.) that are sure to cause destruction.

ü      In my role as the firstborn son for my family there have been many opportunities to adopt and embrace elements that were sure to destroy myself and those I seek to protect.  Some I fell prey to and battled extremely hard eliminate. But the security of my family is intact to this day because I have vowed to protect at all cost.

A firstborn son passionately embraces responsibility for others.  It is one thing for a person to “say” that he is responsible for another life God has placed in his care to groom and nourish.  It is another whole level for others around you to clearly see and comment on the excitement, infatuation, enthusiasm, honor, and delight with which you pursue that responsibility to care for those in your care.

ü      My wife (girlfriend then) fell in love with me initially because she had never seen someone so committed to the task of caring for his family regardless of how physically distant we were as a family (New York, Idaho, & Cameroon (Africa)).  Because I had not learned how to harness that passion, what drew us together almost broke us apart in divorce.

The firstborn son endures hardships with resilience and integrity.  First of all, some synonyms for endurance are tolerate, suffer, continue, and persist.  I will summarize the definition for you by stating it as “long suffering”.  In addition, resilience is defined as being durable, and integrity is certainly all about utmost honesty.  The battle to fulfill the role and purpose of the firstborn son seeks no retirement, let alone early retirement.  Until God decides to call you home, your family requires your sacrificial living and exemplary guidance. And yes, may I remind you, it will never be easy.  Let your guard down; you will pay the price.

ü      Beginning as a teenager and for eight long years, the flame of love for my family that I spoke about earlier had to be fanned with absolutely only one conversation a year at Christmas.  There were also years of denying my self a simple new pair of jeans, cap, shoes, or other luxuries my peers had although I too had the funds, in order to send my family much needed funds for survival where necessary.

A firstborn son must commit to pursue Godly wisdom with vigor.  In order to fully understand the position of the firstborn son, for those who bear this title as a heavenly calling, he must pursue a relationship with God and drink deeply from God’s word.  As definitive a covenantal relationship with God this position is (Exodus 4:22-23 & Luke 2:23), there is a deeper connection in understanding the nature of God that allows us to execute this role successfully.

ü      I possessed all of the components I have previously described as characteristics of the firstborn son in extremely good measures.  However, it was not until I learned and incorporated the scripture in true practicality that all of those components worked in unison and continue to serve me graciously well.

In conclusion, all of these components come together to make the lives of firstborn sons and those they impact very purposeful.  The lives that are dependent on him, as well as those he influences (male friends also) become lives of purpose because such a lifestyle is truly contagious.  Men of this caliber can truly impact a nation and realign its focus as a healthy society.  Can you see why Psalm 105:36 (referenced in previous blog) strikes at the core or our nations need at this moment?  Are the firstborn sons you know being prepared, or are prepared for such a critical position in your family, society, and your nation?

The firstborn son concept Pt 1

Introducing the concept of the firstborn son!

Hello my old friends and new friends I am soon to meet.

We have an epidemic that rages through our families, communities, and nation like wildfire.  The epidemic I speak of is the incredible lack of sacrificial and selfless men within the culture and nation.  In the track of this raging wild fire lies and abundance of divorces, and more critically, fatherless homes.  This has come about primarily because in the last few generations we have failed miserably as a culture and neglected the concept of the firstborn son.  The concept of the firstborn son and its subsequent trickle down effect is proven and strategic to the stability of the family, community, and the nation.

The concept of the firstborn son is a biblical concept.  Since I expect Christians and non-Christians will have access to this blog and other material I will put forth, let me preface the biblical aspect of my material for the latter by saying this.  You may not agree that the Bible is "the book of life" as I do.  However, no one regardless of his/her belief argues the Bible is a great book.  As a matter of fact, it is historically the best selling book ever.  If nothing else, I expect you will respect its proven credibility since you have passionately appreciated books much less credible than the Bible I am sure.  Now, if anything happens beyond that point as you engage my material, it is left up to the condition of your heart.

The Bible is packed with a great number of depictions and models we are to follow and adopt for healthy living on this Earth.  One of the most prominent of all of these models is the concept of the firstborn son.  In order words, what I speak about and desire to teach you is nothing new, instead it is proven and has been successfully implemented for ages.  However, we as a generation have blatantly rejected a concept which is strategically positioned for the propagation of an impacting family legacy to our children.  The concept of the firstborn son is about teaching our children, especially our firstborn sons to be fully aware of their roles (not favoritism) in passing forward an impacting legacy and strength for your family, and the knowledge of exactly what that represents.  Here is one such proof out of the Bible, amongst a great many I will give in following blogs, to support my claim.  Psalm 105:36 states, "He smote also all the firstborn in their land, the beginning and chief substance of all their strength."  "He" represents God who in this case did this act to the nation of Egypt in His attempt to free Israel, and the verse clearly states what the firstborn son represented for the nation.  What do our firstborn sons represent in our culture today?  What does your firstborn son represent for your family?

I implore you, for the sake of the redemption of our culture and the need to break a damaging cycle by teaching our sons and fathers the true essence of what purposeful living means, take this journey with me and stay close to this blog.  You have heard of numerous books that deal with the term firstborn in the context of birth order and character traits.  There have also been numerous books talking about raising sons in regards to remedies such as father-son outings, rights of passage, and more.  As great as all of these components are, nothing prepares a young man or restores the countenance of a defeated man better than giving him a purpose for living greater than him.  This is exactly where we have failed our men and boys and as a result "purposeful living" as described and prescribed by God in the Bible for family stability has been replaced with a "me first" and "me happy" attitude draped on our men to the tone of abundant divorce and fatherless homes mentioned earlier. 

The blog exists in collaboration and support of my book which is expected to be in bookstores and online (ebook, kindle, etc) by July or August of 2011.  The book is titled The Firstborn Son: A Curse, a Gift, or a Calling.  My bio should give you a taste of my qualification as an author and speaker on this subject matter.  I have lived this concept successfully for many years now and the adverse effects of its lack in the culture is extremely clear to me noting how effectively well the concept has served my family. 

I look forward to great times ahead...

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